(From Chapter One, “The Soar-Wallow Syndrome”)

. . . Let’s flip back to the beginning of time and remember what God said prior to creating Eve. In Genesis 2:18, we read, “The LORD, God said ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion who will help him’” (NLT). It was not at this point that God created Eve. According to Genesis 2:19, God first “formed from the soil every kind of animal and bird. He brought them to Adam to see what he would call them, and Adam chose a name for each one” (NLT). But even a man and his dog were not enough. God said “still there was no companion suitable for him” (Gen. 2:20 NLT).

For those who want to avoid relationships and simply love and adore a pet to the exclusion of a human relationship, God says that’s not enough. God is obviously not against loving animals, but they are not a suitable substitute, which is why God created Eve.

Adam was ecstatic! In fact, I’d say he did some soaring! Listen to his words in Genesis 2:23: “‘At last!’ Adam exclaimed. ‘She is part of my own flesh and bone! She will be called “woman” because she was taken out of a man’” (NLT).

This is a sidebar thought, but it gives me a giggle to read Adam’s words, “At last!” What in the world did he know about “at last”? He barely knew “at first.” What he knew was that he wanted something—he had no way of knowing what—and the minute he saw it, you’d think he’d been crying out for centuries, “I need a woman. At last, at last, here she is!”

What Adam did not know, and many of us don’t seem to know even yet, is that we are inherently wired for loving. We are wired for relationships. We all desperately want to be loved. We were created for it. To deny it, fight it, or ignore it is to go contrary to a God-given core instinct. And we need to know this instinct extends beyond male-female relatedness. It includes every human interaction on the planet. God seems to think it’s better than a cocker spaniel.

Now, quite frankly, I can think of a number of relationships I’d rather drop off at the Humane Society. Some of those relationships have not been housebroken, and I’ve had enough. My patience is gone; I want them gone. And besides, I can’t afford new carpeting one more time! If perchance those thoughts resonate with you, let me tell you about my neighbor’s house. (Well, of course, Marilyn, —what better time to talk about your neighbor’s house!)

This house is three doors down from me on the other side of the street. I thought it would be a great house for Pat Wenger. It was for sale, it was gorgeous, and it was in the center of our new little Women of Faith hub. Of course, the fact that Pat transcribes all my writing into the computer meant she would be well-located for those many occasions when her technological prowess could pull me out of a wallow. She’d also be well located for those times when the soul longs for patio time munching on pizza and simply loving the Texas skies.

She made a bid on the house, and it was accepted. Everyone in the hub was thrilled. One huge problem: the building inspector found significant structural damage evidenced by huge cracks in the foundation. According to the inspector, it was only a matter of time before the house would be uninhabitable. Appalling! Shocking!

Pat withdrew her offer, got her money back, and we sat on the curb staring in disbelief. Such a gorgeous house—perfect landscaping, inviting little side patio complete with fountain softly gurgling in quiet serenity for those who would never guess the existence of structural damage and potential collapse.

But that’s not the end of the story. Since its condemning report, the owners no longer had the option of selling the house. So they hired experts to fix the foundation. For months there was a constant flurry of reconstruction going on down there. Funny-looking little bulldozers scurried about, the lawn was torn up, and the flowers were destroyed. Strange building sounds filled the air.

Now, five months later, the little bulldozers have crawled back onto their truck and been driven away. The lawn has been replaced and the flowers replanted, and everything looks spontaneously renewed. Instead of moving to Florida, as the owners had originally intended, they plan to stay. Their house is declared safe and inhabitable, the fountain gurgles with renewed optimism, and the owners can’t imagine why they ever wanted to move in the first place.

But here’s the less-than-admirable reality. They wanted to move because they didn’t want to face their house problems. Instead, they wanted to escape their house problems—sell the house problems to someone else and make a quick escape to Florida. Didn’t work. Had to face the house and fix it! Now they’re glad they did, but it was not their first choice. Their first choice was to run and not look back.

Since moving to Frisco, Texas, I’ve learned that foundational problems here are a continual challenge. One builder told me the ground is not stable enough to support all the sudden building going on in this part of the state. As a result, it is not uncommon for many foundations to have little hairline cracks as the soil settles, searching for stability.

So what does my neighbor’s house have to do with the topic of relationships? What does the slightly shifting ground in and around Frisco have to do with whether or not we are tempted to drop a few of our relationships off at the Humane Society? I think the house can serve as a metaphor for all of us as we work our way through the shifting soil of relationships.

Quite frankly, if I didn’t have a few hairline cracks of my own and certainly a touch of foundational instability, some relationships would not put me in a wallow. If I don’t stand up and take a look at those fundamental issues, I’m going to be searching madly for a ticket to Florida.

I believe all soul foundations are fixable, capable of repair, and not hopelessly destined for collapse. The key to that repair is not running away but facing the challenges.

The purpose of this book is to suggest a major scriptural guideline for the repair of your relational foundations. As I mentioned earlier in this chapter, that guideline is found in Romans 12:2: “Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think” (NLT). It is possible to learn new patterns of behaving by thinking about what did not work “last time.” Based on what has not worked, we can change directions and not fall into the rut of unwise pattern repetition. By the same token, we can remember what did work last time and what process brought it about.

Over and above it all is God’s promise to be with us as He lovingly leads us into new patterns. The verse does not say “Get your stuff straightened out, baby . . . Don’t count on Me to be there while you’re working on it . . . You make too many dumb mistakes for Me to hang around and watch . . . You create too much foundational stress . . . I’m going to Florida.”

The key phrase is, “Let God transform you.” He is vitally, energetically, lovingly orchestrating your transformation. You are in partnership with Him in this process. You are not in it alone. However, the word “let” makes it clear what we do to be in this partnership. We choose. We “let” God do what He does best—transform us. My part? Choose to participate.

Excerpted with permission from Since You Asked: Answers to Women’s Toughest Questions on Relationships by Marilyn Meberg. © 2006 by W Publishing Group. All rights reserved.